Wednesday, July 15, 2009

My First Contest

To Top it Off

So, I just talk into the microphone?

Right. We’d met via the internet, the shadkhen for the 2000’s... who needs a person? You use the internet for dating, hooking up...marriage. We met, we courted.. we had our first sexual experience . On computers. A year of talking, emails and a lot more virtual sex later, he flew to Chicago from Los Angeles, I’m at baggage check, holding a sign, in case the real me didn’t look like the virtual me. We had the initial greeting, our faces not sure which way to go as we moved in for the hug/kiss--awkward, right?

So, off to a great place that served famous pizza in a town known for pizza. There, it all started to crumble. I noticed when he spoke to me, he moved his fingers on the table as if typing. I ordered a beer (with pizza, you have beer, right?) and he chose “...a nice red wine, not too earthy”. Then, then, he did something that proved this had become a momentous FUBAR. I could have lived with the girth I’d never seen before, his staring at my chest when he spoke, even the fuckin’ pretentious wine. It ended when he eschewed my suggestion of sausage and olives, choosing ham and pineapple.

Ham. And. Pineapple.

Okay, granted, sending him back to L.A. was a smarter choice than the one I took--that whole stabbing him in the eye with my fork.

But, really, ham and pineapple?


  1. Ham and Pineapple are good on gourmet pizza..but not deep dish!!

    btw, I completely missed this split off....but no worries, it was added to my bloglines.

  2. Been there, done that, her cats liked me... that was enough. :)

  3. Man, I like ham and pineapple. However, I also like my eyes.



  4. You were absolutely right to fork him in the eye. Pretension is one thing, bad taste in Pizza is a fatal flaw.

    I now must blog roll you. Good taste is to be revered and read again.

  5. us~i've linked you on my main site.. it goes both ways.

    john~go for the eyes.

    rick~cats are the judge. no.

  6. Ham and pineapple on pizza is like sex with kinks. It's better than it sounds, but until you're pretty secure in the relationship, stick with missionary.

  7. A fork in the eye over ham and pineapple??? Extra anchovies, I could see that, but...

  8. hey! it's ham.and.pineapple.


  9. This flash has a nice casual voice to it. Reminds me of David Sosnowski's "Vamped." Two Thumbs Up!

  10. Great opening sentence, concise story with room to breathe. Fantastic! :)